Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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