Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
