All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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