Already got asked if we're dating
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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