He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
