It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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