it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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