Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
