If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
