i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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