Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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