I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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