p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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