Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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