yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
