Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
