Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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