I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
