dude i'm inner monologue high
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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