Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
