She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
