OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
