Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
