why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize