hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
