I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
