Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
