Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
