I am puke
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
