I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
