Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize