he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize