How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
