WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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