I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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