This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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