I wish I could punch you in the face.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
