mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
