i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
