Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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