Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
