worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
