Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
