i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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