We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
