Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
