it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
