It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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