You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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