im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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