i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
