Quick, to the slutcave!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
