Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
