You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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