no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
