Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
