Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
