8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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